Love is in the air

Oh it’s not me, its Mohammed my gateman!

The other day I want to go out and after calling for him several times I had to resort to a good healthy blast from the horn of my car. He comes rushing in to the compound looking a little flustered/disheveled, he is also covered in what looks like palm oil. I couldn't help myself, I had to ask 'wetin do u?' 'Na my friend dey play with me rub me palm oil' he replied. Hmm ... this play wey u grown man dey play with the teenage daughter of the guard of the house two houses away, me I don't understand. I made a note to discuss Mohammed’s new playmate with my neighbor, I am thrilled for him that he seems to have found love, and such good fortune, just two doors away. However I am not sure I want a married gateman! Of course I forgot to discuss anything with my neighbor, and this afternoon I find myself once again yelling for Mohammed. I know he likes to hang out with the mallam across the road who sells soap, bread etc so I go look for him there. Its not like I can't open the gate myself, but the padlock which usually hangs open is locked! Just as I am about to ask for Mohammed I see he coming out of the uncompleted building on the plot this particular mallam is guarding, with the teenage daughter of the mallam two houses away in tow! 'Abeg come open gate' I say as I turn to go wait in the car for him.

The ATM is refusing to release money to me, well actually it seems that my Bank host is down so I return home. I am coming out of the car as Mohammed says 'see wetin my wife do me'. Wife!? 'You get wife?' I ask. 'You see that girl wey dey dat house, na me go marry am' he declares smiling like an idiot. 'I go carry am go village' I like this fellow. 'Na she rub palm oil for my dress that time, she come tear my shirt today say I dey talk to another woman' O! I am at a loss as to what to say so I say sorry! 'Na small girl dey do am' he states as he wonders off to his room, and 'na hormones dey worry you' I say to myself as I lock my door. I really need to discuss this young man's marital status with my neighbors before he puts the poor girl in the family way moves in and we all look stupid.