31 March 2006

Na wa for all these adjectives - 1

Arrogant, unfriendly, rude, nasty.

Nope this is not an english lesson, these are the nicer adjectives that have been used to describe me. Quite frankly I am flattered that anyone would take the pains to describe me out all! Rude and nasty I can live with, but arrogant and unfriendly? Hmm … Over time I have come to understand why I could be described as such, i.e. arrogant or unfriendly, (I had wised up about the rude and nasty adjectives since) I have the strangest social manners, i.e. I am a loner … with a twist. Reading a post by Pilgrimage to Self the other day, it was like she was describing me, well a part of me.

Yes I think people should call ahead instead of arriving at your door step unannounced on an extended visit (yes I am a black white woman), and I think its sad that you have to wait till you are at least 60 to be able to give people a piece of your mind. Also I am not much for going out for social events, weddings, owambe’s, funerals etc truth be told I really don’t like crowds. Let me rephrase that, I don’t like crowds where I can’t have ‘me’ time. What’s ‘me’ time? Time spent with me. Since all I require is basically myself to have ‘me’ time, ‘me’ time can occur anywhere at any time; while I am reading, watching tv/movies, doing laundry, shopping for groceries, grinding pepper in the market, waiting on my car at the mechanics, driving to see Princess, driving back from seeing Princess, driving to work, driving back from work, at my desk in the office, taking a shower, etc. I could be at a party for example and the urge to have ‘me’ time could just come over me so I begin to (unconsciously mind) start ‘me’ time engagement procedure (dim out external noise, dim out external noise and begin to dwell on whatever subject has caught my fancy). Although I am physically present in the room, I am a hundred miles away with myself. (Please feel free to add crazy to the list of adjectives) Hence I avoid social gatherings simply because people around wouldn’t be able to understand/appreciate what’s happening. All they see is a young woman (fine as hell), who was participating in the general jaw-jaw a minute ago gradually pulling away from the crowd and all of a sudden there is a large ‘F*&^ Off!’ stamped on her forehead. WTF?! Ergo! Arrogant/unfriendly. Of course I am Yoruba (a fun loving people on the coast of West Africa remember?), so it’s impossible for me to totally avoid them (parties). The good thing though is that for those events that I cannot but attend, I usually have long notice at least 6 months and since they don’t occur more than twice a year its okay I guess. My Girl once complained to Princess about my strange habits vis-à-vis finding a husband. Princess really didn’t have much to say, you see this apple didn’t fall far from the tree at all. I thoroughly enjoy my own company, and although I look forward to being a wife and mother someday, I have often wondered how I will handle the ‘me’ time issue. Its okay when I am dating, we both still have our flats, and even if we are playing house for extended periods of time I can still go to my place on some trumped up excuse where I can ‘od’ on ‘me’ time. Although thinking about it now, it has never really been an issue. I guess the wise thing to do now will be to enjoy to the max my single … (hood/ness?). The twist to my being a loner is the fact that I can flow with anybody. I can spend hours on end in the company of anybody from my meat seller to Wole Soyinka and we would have loads of stuff to talk about. PC says this is because I am a ‘hedgehogy fox’ (WTF?!) I am required to read Isaiah Berlin’s essay ‘The Hedgehog and the Fox’ to understand why. I have searched without success for a copy of the essay on the Internet, (I happened upon this very interesting quiz though) and would appreciate it if anyone can tell me where I can get a copy of this essay.

As with every rule though there are exceptions. While I can flow with practically anyone, I am not always ready to do that. I however have a group of people whose company I never tire off (all my ex’s fall into this category), and for them I do the unthinkable - I actually seek them out (I call ahead of course). To the casual observer, it would appear that I am picking and choosing my company. I mean these people are not drug dealers, liars, thieves etc, so why am I not as friendly with them as I am with other people? Because (bad bad grammar) my dear I am a loner with a twist!

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