31 March 2006

Na wa for all these adjectives - 2

I had a very interesting discussion with PC the other day (whose company I never tire of by the way) about this whole arrogant/unfriendly thing. We came to the conclusion that the underlying issues are A. a clear understanding of the relationship shared by all parties involved; and B. Your conceit of yourself. Let’s take issue A. We have two people ‘U’ and ‘I’ who know each other. After a while, each person defines their relationship with the other person as follows: ‘I’ considers ‘U’ a friend and believes the feeling is mutual, while ‘U’ considers ‘I’ an acquaintance end of story. If ‘U’ doesn’t upgrade his relationship with ‘I’ to friend status, while ‘U’ continues to consider ‘I’ a friend, you can see how quickly ‘I’ can begin to consider ‘U’ arrogant' (unrequited emotions are a bad thing). If he has ‘difficulty’ coming to this conclusion, someone will soon help him reach it. Having a good conceit of yourself will also qualify you to wear the title of arrogance around these parts. The other day I was waiting in line at the cafeteria when a collegue (who is definitely just an acquaintance) comes in. She spies me just as she is joining the line and she sidles over to say hello. After the hello’s she just stands there and I am looking at her with my eye brows raised like ‘so we have said our hellos what else are you waiting for?’ Then she breaks into song about how hungry she is, how she had to sneak out of the office to come here, how her boss mustn’t know she has left the office and how she has got to be served right now. For me it’s very simple, you are entitled to an hour of work everyday. It’s right there in your employment letter. I don’t understand how people will allow one boss let them develop ulcer when it’s clear that a dead person cannot do the work you are doing. if you are hungry you should get off your butt and tell your boss you are off to eat. If you are quick about your meal, your boss will hardly have an issue to pick with you. I am suspecting there is no boss anxiously awaiting this girls return though, ‘I am telling a big fat lie’ is stamped all over this girl. She actually then says ‘please let me shunt this queue jo’ I am mortified. ‘And all these people in line came here to sell groundnuts?’ I ask. But she has made eye contact with the serving boy and is speaking directly to him. The guy goes about trance-like (I imagine this is how cobras do it) and serves up her meal. PC is behind me and is about to pop a blood vessel. This girl then proceeds to go seat herself and wolf down her food probably by pushing the stuff down every orifice of her body! For someone who was in such a hurry a little while back, she takes her sweet time settling down to her meal. PC and I actually get served and are seated before she finally settles down in the booth next to us. She then takes her time luxuriating over her meal; I had to wonder what had changed between her being served and now. The next time I see her she could hardly say hello, I am not upset (good riddance to bad rubbish) but as she turned away I see it in her eyes, due to the cafeteria incident this girl has classed me as arrogant. Well if I would not stoop as low as jumping a 6 man long cafeteria queue then this cap fits me! One of my biggest fears is getting engaged in a brawl you know the kind where someone just jerks you by your shirt front causing all my buttons to pop open and starts pummeling you. Although I grew up listening to Princess stress the importance of wearing good, clean underwear, I don’t think I would like to find myself in a position, where all my undergarments (never mind that I am wearing Victoria Secrets) will be on show except maybe if I was unconscious!

Now, I think I am a lot more comfortable in my skin. By nature, I don’t suffer fools gladly, and even though I have known this since like forever, I have suffered all these years trying to make everyone happy. And I haven’t succeeded (little wonder). As a friend used to say, ‘a problem identified is half solved’ therefore I have resolved to just be myself, the way I see it, people will always misunderstand me. I owe it to others though to show respect (even if they are not respecting themselves) and I owe it to myself to speak up (I am so not confrontational). With this strategy I hope I will be able to survive till I am 60 and then I can really let it rip!

3 comments:

songreach said...

good for you! here's my conclusion you are a mixed Ijesa with a twist! lol

Na Me joo said...

But u already let it rip . . . .no?

adefunke said...

Not fully, no.