Joblessness

You can usually tell a persons ‘place of origin’ in the US from the first 3 digits of their cell number. Mine of course gives away my Texas origins. I have had a couple of friends who have changed their numbers every time they moved from state to state I am very lazy and have often wondered why they bother. On Friday I found motivation to do the same.

I usually listen to the radio on my ride into work. When I bought my car the sales person tuned the radio to 102.7 Kiis FM ‘this is my favorite station’ she proclaimed as she fiddled with the buttons. ‘How nice’ I thought. I later realized she was scamming me out of noticing that the cd player was broken. Or maybe she wasn’t. Anyhow I have on occasion listened to a segment of the morning show called ‘Ryans Roses’ where women send email/fax or call in their relationship issues. Basically a woman or a man calls in because they are not sure about the fidelity of the guy (or gal) they are dating/married to and wants to lay their doubts to rest. After authorizing the show, a call is placed by the show to the unsuspecting spouse/significant other and an offer of free roses is made which they can send to anyone in the continental US of course the ‘florist’ needs the name and address of the recipient as well as a message to go on the card. The call can go either of two routes after the recipient of the roses has been established. Profuse apologies are offered (and I imagine a lot of off-air make up sex) if the recipient of the roses and the person who initiated the Ryan’s Roses call are one and the same or abuses and a lot of on air drama if not. On Friday Lupe called the show. She had been dating this guy for sometime and she needed to know where she stood with him. He had been making promises but nothing seemed to be forthcoming and oh, he is married! Donkey! Why do women do these things to themselves? Men are not as noble as we like to think, if a guy is tired of a relationship in as much as his partner is not his meal ticket he really doesn’t need too much persuasion to move forward. I have heard the old ‘I am only here cos of my kids’ line but ehn … I don’t know. Apparently this particular guy had been promising to leave his wife (spinning her the ol’ yarns) and she chopped his lines so much she broke up with all her friends and introduced him to her parents (as what abi?) etc etc and now 2 yrs later she has a really bad taste in her mouth and needs a huge dose of public humiliation to see what is obvious to the rest of us; she is just a jump off that homebody is recycling like rain water. So the call is made and like a good boy who just got tired of eating ‘rice’ all the time he asks that the roses be sent to his ‘lovely wife Marie’ with a message worthy of any loving husband. he donkey (Lupe) was furious. At this point Ryan butts in and tells homeboy what is really going on and asks who Lupe is to him. Y’all think Doug E Fresh can beatbox? Yo Doug E aint got nothing on this Cassanova. I haven’t heard so much scratching since the 80’s! The guy sef no get any kin game, if na me wo I go deny sotay de girl sef go begin second guess herself by the time I am through with her she will be apologising to me! Anyway, moving on ... After what seemed like an eternity (I was on the verge of putting my car in park in the middle of the 405, climbing on to the roof and breaking out in a break-dance routine no point wasting his beat-boxing/stammering) when he manages to stammer out that Lupe is his friend and after further coaxing admitted they where ‘romantically platonic’ friends. I am laughing so hard by now I can hardly see. Of course every married woman in LA is calling in to the show by this time (I bet the boards hadn’t seen so many calls prior), and the ones who made it on to the air were doing a damn good job of yapping our poor damsel in distress. Me sef, I don reach for my phone to deliver some choice words when I realized that I wouldn’t be connected; the 1-800 number would only connect local (California) numbers. Chei! Could this be the reason? Is this why my friends always change their numbers when they move? I figured they must have been trying to give bill collectors the slip or something but I think I have hit gold here. I mean the ability to call in to local morning radio shows and add your 2 cents to whatever issue is on hand sure as hell beats buying a cat. Perhaps. I am quick to realize though that it would take more than Lupe the Donkey and her inability to realize her jump off status to get me to go through all the wahala. And I am hardly in danger of buying a cat (not a huge fan of animals up close and personal). Besides why bother when I can blog about it?